August 2010
1 post
3 Rejected School Supply Names
1) Sharpie’s “Get A Bag, Open The Cap, and Forget About Your Homework” Marker.
2) Elmer’s “Calling It A Glue Might Be Stretching The Truth A Bit” Glue Stick
3) Mead’s “Trapper/Keeper/Stalker/Killer.”
March 2008
2 posts
3 Lies You Tell Your Medical Professionals
Flossing? Every day. Drinking? Never. Give me the antibiotics. I’ll start taking them in two days if I don’t feel better.
3 Ridiculous Adjectives ABC uses to describe Stars...
Hotter (Adam Carolla) Steamier (Penn Gilette) Sexier (Steve Gutenberg)
February 2008
1 post
3 Things You Might Think While Saying "I'm Sorry"
I’m sorry. (rarely) I’m prepared to say anything to get you to quit bitching. You sign my paycheck, so I’ll kiss whatever you wish.
January 2008
2 posts
3 Things I Hear That Are Rarely True
“I was just finishing writing that proposal, but my printer died. Can I bring it to you tomorrow?” “My favorite part of your performance was your enthusiasm.” “Really, it’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen.”
3 Things I Say That Are Rarely True
“I gotta go. The kids are setting fire to the cat, and he always gets mad when they try that.” “I had a chance to tour with Sprinsteen, but I wanted to spend more time with my family.” “I’m not a fan of big breasts. I think yours are the perfect size.”
December 2007
1 post
3 Sh*tty Things about Vista (not that there aren't...
Holy shit! Could this thing run ANY slower? I can clean my apartment waiting for it to start up! Son of a bitch! How many of my favorite apps don’t run on Vista? Could Microsoft make it any more imposible to develop for the platform? WHo wants to pay a small fortune to make their software “Vista Certified?” Damn it! iTunes crashes every DAY? What the hell? Well, I suppose...
November 2007
1 post
3 Random Thoughts on Head Lice
Most children don’t EARN head lice- they are unfortunate victims of classmates. Shaving the head sounded like the best option for prevention- my daughter disagreed. If the nurse at school needs to use a magnifier with a special flourescent attached to see them, how am I supposed to check for them AT HOME?
August 2007
1 post
3 Embarrasing Selections From My iTunes
The SpongeBob SquarePants Theme Expanded Lovemaking: Sex, Love, and Consciousness podcast “A Whole New World”, as performed by Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey
July 2007
2 posts
3 Things To Remember When Naming Your Child
No matter how you try, a rotten nickname or joke can made about ANY name. If there are four people named “Richard” in your immediate family, MAYBE it’s time to stray from the pack. Not enough people name their kids “Snuffy” anymore. Be a trendsetter.
3 Reasons to Change Jobs
There’s a period of time in between jobs where the terror allows you to fully appreciate what you had before, and drives you to seek it again. The marvelous effect it has on your relationship with your spouse. The emptiness in the pit of your stomach is a constant reminder that yo are alive. Sorry. Not too funny. Just real today.
June 2007
2 posts
3 Reasons to Drive Less
You drive a LeBaron. You don’t know how to pump your own gas, and besides it’s too expensive. You’re friggin’ Paris Hilton, who has more money than God AND a suspended license. GET A DRIVER AND STAY OUT OF JAIL IF YOU DON”T WANT TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED ON THE COMMODE! I feel better now. P.S. CNN? We no longer give a shit.
3 Things You Don't Want to Hear at Your Evaluation
“Well, the ‘sitting in my lap’ thing was cute for a few days.” “Right Guard. I use it all the time.” “I’d prefer it if you would stop looking at AND talking about what you euphemistically call my ‘golden bozos.’”
May 2007
3 posts
3 Lunchtime Conversation Stoppers
“I was so happy when the Health Department said this place could open up again.” “Oh no… our waiter is that guy I had the ugly breakup with last year.” “Have you ever seen a sore ooze like this before?”
3 Things MapleMama Said Today Instead Of "No"
“I’m not sure that’s a wise use of our resources.”
“That’s really not in my purview, but I’ll see what I can do.”
“Seriously? *sigh* OK.”
courtesy of MapleMama
3 Reasons Why Team Podcasting Is Better Than Solo...
You have somewhere to share the work.
You have someone to check your spelling and syntax.
You can say with certainity that you now know at least TWO people listen. You hope.
Check out The Daddy Dialogues at Digital Father and Bad Dad Radio
April 2007
5 posts
3 Things I Said Today instead of "No!"
“Gee, that would be really hard for me to do.” “Sure, I guess I could look it over.” “Yeah, I’ll take care of that.”
3 Positive Outcomes of Hosting A Dinner Party for...
Someone else brings the wine, and they are not nearly as cheap as I am. Someone else brings the dessert, and it’s never quite as enticing as what I would bring. When the whole event is over, you get the best nights sleep you’ve ever had. Of course, sometimes it’s not on the same night, but a few nights later.
3 Advantages of Broken Voicemail
You never get messages from telemarketers. You have an excuse for those family members you hate, but have to talk to anyway. (“My voicemail was down!”) You can easily dodge all those pesky bill collectors!
3 Reasons To Get FIOS
The name is waaaaaaaay cooler than Cablevision. The numbers on the speed test are rockin’ fast! It comes with wireless, so now I can put my “G” router on eBay. Got 15 bucks? It’s yours!
3 Steps to Setting Up New FIOS Service
You speak to the rep on the phone. They have you speak to a “third party” to confirm you REALLY want to change your phone service. They call you back 3 times to go through the same procedure, until you tell them if they call again, you’ll cancel the service. You schedule the service call for Saturday. They reschedule it for Monday without calling you.